The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone, Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques—she takes the listener from the first meeting up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life.
HOW THIS BOOK HELPED US?
The book helped us understand that seamless introductions always lead to fluent chats. In communication, praise is good, but always keep your most specific compliments to family and friends.
THE BOOK EXPLAINED UNDER 60 SECONDS
How To Talk To Anyone is a collection of actionable tips to help you master the art of human communication, leave great first impressions and make people feel comfortable around you from all walks of life.
TOP THREE QUOTES
“Great posture, a heads-up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze.” The ideal image for somebody who’s a Somebody.”
“When you act as though you like someone, you start to like them.”
“When we find people with the supernatural powers of perception to recognise our remarkableness, we become addicted to the heady drug of their appreciation.”
BOOK SUMMARIES AND NOTES
PART ONE: HOW TO INTRIGUE EVERYONE WITHOUT SAYING A WORD
Flooding Smile
Do not flash an immediate smile when greeting someone. But instead, look at their face for a second, soaking in their persona, then let a big, warm, reactive smile flood your face. It will overtake the recipient like a friendly wave. While engaging with the flooding smile, you should also try to maintain eye contact.
Sticky Eyes
Your eyes are personal grenades that can detonate people’s emotions. Intense eye contact awakens feelings of respect and affection. Sustaining extreme eye contact gives the impression that you’re intelligent and an abstract thinker. Since abstract thinkers consolidate incoming data more efficiently than concrete thinkers, they can maintain eye contact even during silences. You should not break eye contact even after they have finished speaking. Once you have decided to break eye contact, you should do so slowly and reluctantly. Sticky Eyes is a definite boon to your bottom line if you deal with customers or clients in your professional life. To most people in this culture, profound eye contact signals trust, confidence and knowledge.
Epoxy Eyes
This brazen technique packs a powerful punch. Watch your target person even when someone else is talking. No matter who speaks, keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact. The Epoxy Eyes technique takes at least three people to pull off; that’s you, your target, and one other person. Here’s how it works. Usually, when you’re chatting with two or more people, you gaze at the person speaking. However, the Epoxy Eyes technique suggests you concentrate on the listener—your target—rather than the speaker. This slightly disorients the target, and they silently ask, “Why is this person looking at me instead of the speaker?” Your target senses you are incredibly interested in their reactions. This can be beneficial in certain business situations when it is appropriate that you judge the listener.
Hang by Your Teeth
Visualise a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. Every muscle is stretched into a perfect posture when you hang by your teeth.
The Big-Baby Pivot
The moment you’re introduced to a new person, reward your acquaintance. Give a warm smile, undivided attention and a total-body change. People usually don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Pivoting 100 per cent toward the new person shouts, “I think you are very, very special.”
Hello, Old Friend
When you meet someone, imagine they’re an old friend, customer, beloved or one you had affection for. The Hello Old Friend technique even supersedes language. Whenever you’re travelling in countries where you don’t speak your native tongue, be sure to use it. If you find yourself with a group of people who speak a language unknown to you, just imagine them as a group of your old friends. Everything is fine, except they momentarily forgot how to speak English. Although you won’t understand a word, your whole body still responds with congeniality and acceptance.
Favourite quote of the part: “Big winners know their smile is one of their most powerful weapons, so they’ve fine-tuned it for maximum impact.”
PART TWO: HOW TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY AFTER YOU “HI”
Make a Mood Match
You see, small talk is about something other than facts or words. It’s about music, about melody. Small talk is about putting people at ease. It’s about making comforting noises together, like cats purring, children humming, or groups chanting. You must first match your listener’s mood. Before talking to your listener, sample their voice to see their state of mind. If you ever want to bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood and voice tone, if only for a moment. Reaching your customer’s mood can make or break the sale.
Prosaic with Passion
Do not worry about your first words because most of your listener’s impression has nothing to do with your comments. Almost anything you say at first is fine. Regardless of how prosaic the text is, an empathetic mood, a cheerful demeanour, and passionate delivery make you sound excited.
Always Wear a Whatzit
This technique requires no exceptional skill, only the courage to sport a simple visual prop called a “Whatzit.” A Whatzit is anything you wear or carry that is unusual—a unique pin, an attractive purse, a strange tie, or an amusing hat. A Whatzit is any object that draws people’s attention and inspires them to approach you and ask, “Uh, what’s that?” Your Whatzit can be as subtle or overt as your personality and the occasion permit. Your Whatzit is a social aid whether you seek business rewards or new romance. Whenever you go to a gathering, carry something unique to give people who find you a delightful stranger an excuse to approach you.
Whoozat
Say you’re at a party and you can’t find something on the person you want to talk to comment on, then utilise the Whoozat technique. Whoozat is the most effective, least used meeting-people technique ever contrived. Approach the party giver, then ask for an introduction. Don’t be hesitant. The party-giver will be pleased if you find one of the guests interesting. If you are reluctant to pull the party giver away from their other guests, you can still perform Whoozat. This time, don’t ask for a formal introduction. Simply pump the party giver for just enough information to launch you. Find out about the stranger’s jobs, interests, and hobbies.
Eavesdrop In
At parties or conferences, stand near the group of people you wish to infiltrate. Then wait for a word or two you can use as a wedge to break into the group.
Never the Naked City
Do humanity and yourself a favour. Never, ever give a one-sentence response to the question, “Where are you from?” Give the asker some fuel for his tank and fodder for his trough. Give the hungry communicator something to nibble on conversationally. All it takes is an extra sentence about your city—some interesting fact, some witty observation—to hook the asker into the conversation.
Never the Naked Job
When asked the inevitable, “And what do you do,” you may think “I’m an economist/an educator/an engineer” this gives enough information to engender good conversation. However, to one who is not an economist, educator, or engineer, you might as well be saying, “I’m a palaeontologist/psychoanalyst/pornographer.” Flesh it out. Throw some delicious facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on. Otherwise, they’ll soon excuse themselves, preferring the snacks at the cheese tray.
Favourite quote of the part: “The first step in starting a conversation without strangling it is to match your listener’s mood, if only for a sentence or two.”
Part Three: How To Talk Like a VIP
What Do You Do—Not!
Big cats never ask people, “what do they do?” Because it throws people off guard. It convinces them you’re enjoying their company for who they are, not for any crass networking reason. But how do they find out what someone does for a living? They simply utilise the “how do you spend most of your time?” “How do you spend most of your time?” is the kind-hearted approach to let your listener off the hook.
The Nutshell Resume
Similarly, job-seeking top managers roll out a different written resume for each position they’re applying for, which is the same way you should tell a different true story about your professional life to every listener. Before you respond to “what do you do?” ask yourself, “What possible interest could this person have in my answer?” Could he refer business to me? Buy from me? Hire me? Marry my sister? Become my buddy?” Wherever you go, pack a nutshell about your life to work into your communications bag of tricks.
Your Personal Thesaurus
The world perceives people with rich vocabularies to be more creative and intelligent. People with larger vocabularies get hired quicker, promoted faster, and listened to much more. So big winners use rich, whole words, but they always sound appropriate. The phrases slide gracefully off their tongues to enrich their conversation. The words fit. With the care that they choose their tie or their blouse, big players in life choose words to match their personalities and their points. Find common words you use daily, then slip your tongue in a few new words to see how they fit. If you like them, make them your new common words. About fifty words make a difference between creative vocabulary and an average. Substitute one word daily for a couple of months, and you’ll be verbally elite.
Kill the Quick “Me Too!”
Whenever someone mentions a common interest or experience, instead of jumping in with a breathless, “Hey, me, too! I do that, too” or “I know all about that,” let your conversation partner enjoy talking about it. Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion. Then, when the time is right, casually mention you share their interest. The longer you wait to reveal something in common with someone, the more moved and impressed they’ll be. You emerge as confident and quick at connecting with strangers.
Comm-YOU-nication
Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your listener’s attention. It gets a more positive response because it pushes the pride button and saves them from translating it into “me” terms. Your listeners find it an irresistible spice when you sprinkle you as liberally as salt and pepper throughout your conversation. Big winners know there’s a three-letter word more potent than SEX to get people’s attention. That word is YOU. Comm-YOU-nicate Your Compliments.
The Exclusive Smile
It loses value if you flash everybody the same smile, like a Confederate dollar. When meeting groups of people, grace each with a distinct smile. Let your smiles grow out of the beautiful big players find in each new face. If one person in a group is more important to you than the others, reserve a huge, flooding smile just for them.
Favourite Quote of the chapter: “Whenever someone mentions a common interest or experience, instead of jumping in with a breathless, “Hey, me, too! I do that, too,” or “I know all about that,” let your conversation partner enjoy talking about it.”
HOW THIS BOOK CAN HELP SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS
“How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships” by Leil Lowndes can benefit software developers by providing practical tips and techniques to improve their communication and interpersonal skills. These skills are essential for successful teamwork, client interactions, and project management. The book covers a range of topics, including how to make a memorable first impression, build rapport with others, become a better listener, and handle difficult conversations. By applying the strategies outlined in the book, software developers can become more confident and effective communicators, which can help them build stronger professional relationships and achieve tremendous success in their careers.
