No other self-help book is well known as “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. The book was published in 1936 and has sold over 30 million copies worldwide. Dale Carnegie provides knowledge on ways of handling people, being a leader through changing people without giving offense or resentment, and how to win people to your way of thinking. The book is still relevant to date as it is used as a reference for many training programs that are based around it.
HOW THIS BOOK HELPED US?
The book helped us understand that while handling people criticizing and condemning will not make any significant change in a person’s life but rather, give praise and appreciation. The book also helped us realize that your charm, personality, and attitude towards people can be core values in your success.
THE BOOK EXPLAINED IN UNDER 60 SECONDS
- Creates awareness of how giving appreciation and praise can influence the attitude of someone rather than criticizing, condemning, and complaining.
- The book provides tips on how to be a good listener and encourage others to talk more about themselves rather than ourselves.
- Emphasis is put on how the first impression matters, a smile and your facial expression are far much more important than the clothes you put on your body.
TOP THREE QUOTES
- “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
- “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most fools do, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
- “If you come at me with your fists doubled, I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours.”
BOOK SUMMARY AND NOTES
PART ONE: FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
Give honest and sincere appreciation:
Honest praise and appreciation will get better results from people than criticism will ever get. Giving praise acts as a motivator for people. People will tend to easily listen to the unpleasant matters about them after they have received a charming appreciation of their good points. This only can change the whole mood and attitude of someone at the same time.
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Humans can not criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be. When people are criticized, they rarely respond well and will become defensive and resent their critics. To handle people well, we must never criticize, condemn or complain but rather give appreciation because it will never result in the behavior we desire.
Favorite Quote of the Chapter: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”
PART TWO: WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Smile:
A simple way to make a first impression is to smile, your personality, charm and attitude can be determined by the look on your face, so make sure it’s impressive. Happiness comes from inner conditions not outside circumstances, therefore, the expression you wear on your face is much more important than the clothes on your body.
Become genuinely interested in other people:
If we merely try to impress people and get them interested in us, we will barely have true and sincere friends. The only way to make quality, and lasting friendships is to master how to be interested in people and their interests.
Make the person feel important:
The way you want to be treated is the way you should treat others, when you spend time communicating with other people, make them feel significant and appreciated. This will earn you more friends than you anticipated.
Remember the person’s name:
Try to remember the names of the people you meet even though it may seem difficult because you encounter a lot of people throughout the day. Calling people by their names is the most gratifying language they will ever hear and makes them feel more important and exceptional.
Favorite Quote of the Chapter: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
PART THREE: HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
Begin in a friendly way.
Initiating interactions with other people in a friendly way characterized by charm, good taste, and courtesy can influence people to your way of thinking. You can not come to a consensus with someone if you have a belligerent tone and a hostile attitude.
Dramatize your ideas.
At times, expressing the truth is not enough, the truth has to be made enticing, dramatic, and brilliant to the person you’re stating it to. Some ideas are just not enough and must be dramatized for you to win people to your way of thinking.
See things from the person’s point of view.
Sometimes people can be wrong but they don’t think so, therefore, don’t condemn them. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and find the reason why that person thinks like that, once you are done, you have the key to their personality and actions.
Favourite Quote of the Chapter: “If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feelings towards you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom.”
PART FOUR: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT
Begin with praise and an honest appreciation:
People will pay much more attention to their embarrassing matters after they have received honest praise and genuine appreciation. This alone can change the whole attitude and mood of someone.
Call attention to other people’s mistakes indirectly:
No one likes to make mistakes, especially in the presence of others, and blaming them will only cause humiliation. But people will be more appreciative and quick to adapt to change if you address their mistakes indirectly.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct:
In case a person does not achieve the desired results out of something, they will be demoralized, therefore you should give words of encouragement and make them feel like their mistake can easily be fixed.
Favorite Quote of the Chapter: “It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.”
PART FIVE: APPEAL TO SOMEONE WITH THE ‘DO ME A FAVOR’ TERM
Appealing to someone with the term “do me a favor”:
Will often arouse a feeling of significance in the person receiving the request as opposed to directly asking for something from the other person. Asking for a favor will make the other person realize how important he or she is to you and this way of life tends to yield magnificent results.
Favorite Quote of the Chapter: “We all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.”
PART SIX: RULES FOR MAKING YOUR HOME LIFE HAPPIER
Do not criticize:
Mistakes are common in homes, therefore, if you notice your partner’s, do not criticize him/her but rather find a gentle approach to use while trying to fix your partner’s mistake. This will automatically reduce the burden of guilt from your partner.
Appreciate your partner.
Marriage partners should express their honest appreciation towards each other, especially men. Women tend to put in a lot of effort to look beautiful, wear nice clothes, seek attention and even cook the best food for their partners, therefore, it’s the duty of the husband to put appreciation of his wife into consideration.
Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.
Sex is one of the most valued satisfactions in marriage, therefore, if you do not do it right, then nothing will be right in your marriage. But how do you get it right, in case you’re a matrimonial illiterate, try discussing or learning about the objectives and practices of married life and this can be done through a book that provides knowledge and insight about sex.
Favorite Quote of the Chapter: “Most married friction doesn’t find its source in sexual maladjustment. At any rate, the frictions which arise from other difficulties would be ignored in many, many cases if the sexual relation itself were satisfactory.”
HOW THIS BOOK CAN HELP SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie can help software developers improve their communication skills and build positive relationships with colleagues, clients, and stakeholders. The book offers practical advice on how to communicate effectively, build trust, and manage conflicts. By implementing the principles in the book, software developers can become better team players, leaders, and problem solvers, which can ultimately enhance their career success and personal satisfaction. The book emphasizes the importance of active listening, empathy, and effective persuasion techniques, all of which are essential skills for successful software development.
